Oh how far the mighty have fallen…

My wife is out of town for a couple weeks visiting her parents in North Carolina. Folks that like stereotypes will imagine that by the time she gets back, disasters will have befallen all aspects of my life and our household.

One can picture emaciated pets crawling around pleading for attention, moldy dishes scattered around the house, cracker crumbs in the unmade bed, underwear hanging from ceiling fans, and me, the hapless husband, found brutally entangled in some sort of three-way tryst between myself, the lady next door, and her washing machine.

Alas, that is not to be. I am actually quite capable of running a household. I did it for years before I was married, and truth be told, it’s just not all that hard. The pets are well fed (the 22-pound Maine Coon is sitting in my lap as I write this), the bed is made when I’m not in it, and I am quite capable of doing the laundry with or without a three-way tryst.

As for my own dinner, I am actually an excellent cook, I know how to shop and stock the house, and failing all that, I can dial a phone and have take-out at the house in record time. I like to conference in the 4 different delivery pizza chains that service my area and place the order simultaneously. Promise a 10 dollar tip to the first one that arrives and a darkened porch to the runners up and just watch the pizza’s fly! (The record is just under 3 minutes).

There are some guy tendencies however, that do come out when the fairer sex has left the building…which is where all this is going I guess.

1) My dog likes to sing along with the sirens…kind of a mournful howl (not terribly loud) that always makes me chuckle. Since we live near a fire station, he gets a chance to practice reasonably often.
2) My dog is a Chocolate Lab, about 110 pounds, and just 9 months old. Those of you that know the breed, know that he is still very much a puppy, and also will know that Labs are all about hanging out with people. His primary goal for the day is to lay on my legs or feet and relax–usually upside down with all four feet sticking up in the air.
3) I like nachos, they’re easy to cook, and I make outstanding ones with just a few ingredients on hand.
4) It’s been horrendously busy at work. Long hours and intense deadlines. Takes a lot out of a guy.

So, this is how I found myself and the dog, sitting on the floor with our backs against the couch, arm in arm so to speak, eating nachos, drinking a beer, and singing along (howling, both of us) with the sirens and later, the stereo. The dog likes country, but is also partial to Pat Benetar.

So, I guess that picture will serve to perpetuate the stereotype. If y’all will excuse me…(burp)…I’ve got to go get another beer and put on another CD. Maybe some Blackhawk this time….I’ll bet we can really howl along to those harmonies…

Daniel Meyer

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