Well, I called in sick to work again today. I was feeling better yesterday and went in, but apparently overdid it. The penalty for that was to spend a horrible night’s sleep, and the morning coughing and blowing about a quart of putrid green jello out of my sinuses.
So, I called in sick…heh…well…sort of. It was early and I didn’t want to wake folks so I actually emailed in sick. Gotta love the ‘net.
After that I did something I rarely have ever done.
I quit worrying about responsibilities. I didn’t worry that I’m the bread-winner. I could have cared less whether the wife got to her class on time. The dog might have been hungry, but I didn’t notice. I wasn’t worried about the massive amount of work that I need to do…both around the house, at work, and on my books/projects. I take my work reponsibilities personally, and really need to be working. I really want to get Stormrider done for this summer, and there’s a lot of work left to do. Yep, my Dad needs my help, and I’ve not been able to get over there…and that has bothered me. Not today.
I gave it all up…I layed down in the bed and simply released myself…
I allowed myself to surrender to this moment of weakness and spend some time recovering. Let the mind…and the body…rest.
It was a wierd feeling. Just let it go. It’s not an easy thing to do for me…the drives are powerful and primal…and there’s never been anybody else to pick up the slack. There’s never been anybody there to tell me it was okay and that they had my back…at least for a while.
Let it go…
As I slid into a peaceful sleep, the first I can recall in a long time, I couldn’t help wondering if I was doing something wrong.
What does that mean?