Apparently today is, “Kill a Motorcyclist” day…

This morning’s commute was more exciting than most. Oh, there’s always some bonehead that’s too distracted, under the unfluence, or too sleepy to bother to actually drive the car they’re in, but today was worse than normal.

Not two blocks from the house there was a police car sitting in the left-turn lane of oncoming traffic. This is not unusual, they do this illegal and unsafe surveillance needed safety enforcement all the time while they are trolling for revenue speeders. Today however, just as I approached, the nimrod highly trained and hyper-alert officer decided to turn left directly in front of me. Actually he U-turned. He apparently didn’t see me despite me being the only vehicle on the road and my 100watts of driving lights that were bearing down on him. The classic left-turn motorcycle killer. I admit it…this one caught me by surprise.

Woops! Crap! Watch it! Ooops. Locked the back brake. Ah, it’s allright, there’s just enough room and that big, fat, juicy tire is making very satisfying loud screeching noises anyway…gently squeeze the front brake more…more…more…ah…RIGHT THERE…that’s the spot…lean a bit into the skid…head for the right…seems it’ll be clear first or there’s always the curb…hit the highbeams…Okay, nimrod’s headed for the middle lane…bike’s still straight enough to release the back brake…NOW…wait for the little bobble…ah…got it…Let’s wake this bastard up. HORNS! Okay, we’re free and clear to navigate. Drop it a couple gears! Twist ‘er to the stop!


I couldn’t help it. That’s the rule. He almost kills me, I get to blow his ass clean off the road like he’s standing still. I even get to flip him off if I want (didn’t this morning…too dark for him to see).

He didn’t pull me over so he must know the rules too.

That was number one for the morning.

Number two was the SUV that almost rear-ended me at the stop light. I was stopped at the light and the car approaching behind me changed into the right (empty) lane as he came to a stop. The bozo in the SUV behind him was approaching the light at high speed and apparently figured the lane was empty. By the time he realized I was there he wasn’t able to stop in time.

His tires screeched. I revved the Valk to about 6000rpm and dumped the clutch. I’ve no idea how close he came to actually hitting me, but it was close. He stopped with his Extrusion parked over where I’d been sitting. I went through the intersection like a rocket. The red light camera snapped a picture. If I get a ticket over this I’m coming back with a crowbar and disassembling it.

Number three was the guy reading the paper as he went down the freeway. He suddenly changed across two lanes of traffic and would have been on top of me had I not seen him coming. I took the shoulder and cleared the disabled car parked there by at least a foot.

Terribly ironic…that…if I were to be killed by the paper…on the way to work…at the paper…

Number four was the 18-wheeler about 5 cars in front of me that was spewing diesel all over the loop-2-loop ramp at Woodall Rogers and I-35. That stuff costs nearly $3 a gallon at the moment…you’d think they’d at least put a gas cap on the tank before turning sharp corners. Slippery as hell for the random motorcyclist, and I usually don’t take those ramps sedately. Fortunately the smell often tips me off to the problem.

Number five was the bum under the bridge at the next intersection. Another loop off of I-35 to Reunion, and back under the bridge. He’s there about twice a week and really likes to throw bottles at passing motorists. He’s usually not very accurate but today made me glad I was wearing a helmet. Not sure what to do about him. I called the cops once but instead of them actually doing something about him, instead they grilled me for about 45 minutes. Apparently my commute time is their donut time or something. They seemed genuinely hurt that I’d call ’em out for something. I doubt I will again. (Perhaps that’s the point.)

After all that I almost expected it when the wood gate into our parking lot dropped on me before I got through it. Fortunately it just “thonked” my CB antenna. No damage. If it does it again, I’ll stop, dismount, calmly and deliberately break the gate off the mount, hand it to the guard, say, “good morning,” and proceed on through.

Um…y’all be safe out there, ya hear?

Daniel Meyer

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