The accountants have won. We are well and truly doomed.

Dallas is one of the nation’s most dangerous cities. Property crime, assault, rape, homicide…all of these are very high compared to other cities. Triple, in fact, over the national average.

Those of us that live here know the reasons. Incompetent city government, corrupt cops (the joke is that we could drop the crime rate by 10% if we just fired the police force), ineffective leadership, tolerance of corruption, low standards, and poor police training and recruiting, and the intense focus of the police force on “fund raising”. For instance, they make money parking 20 cops on a stretch of freeway for a day and it costs money to work on serving the 300,000 outstanding warrants in their backlog…or, heaven forbid, actually investigating serious crime…so guess what they do?

Anyway, with great anticipation, the public awaited the new police chief’s great plan to reduce crime in the city…would they patrol the streets? Would they get rid of the corrupt cops? Would they actually focus on property and violent crime instead of on seatbelt laws? Would they “gasp” come when you call them?

Yeah, right.

Recently the Dallas Police announced the plan for reducing the crime over the next five years.

The plan? Change the way they report it. Yep, that’s right. They’ve figured out that they can vastly reduce Dallas’s crime rate by changing the way they report crimes. See, if 10 cars are broken into in a neighborhood, well, they can call that ONE crime and report it as such. Ten burglaries? Are they similiar? Well then, could be the same guy…so it’s probably just one crime! Multiple homicide? Well, only one person did it…so it’s one crime, right? Serial rapist? Well, I’m sure all his victims will be glad to know that our accountants cops are on the job. We can just report all those as one crime and Dallas will be a safer city! I feel better all ready, how about you?

Gad. That’s productive. Something’s wrong? Well then, just change the way you report it. Doesn’t cost anything (except the millions spent on consultants to come up with this brilliant plan), and is MUCH more effective at getting the numbers down than actually trying to fight crime.

Good job guys. Please stop wondering why I have little confidence in or respect for you. Just look at your leadership.

I’d wondered where all those Enron managers had gotten off to…

Daniel Meyer

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