surveillancestateMy bank has a REALLY good, hi-res surveillance system…it takes gorgeous, full color, sharp video rather than the grainy, washed out typical security camera system feed.

They WANT you to know this…somehow they expect that to reduce crime or such…I mean…a hi-res video of a guy in an Elvis mask is SO helpful in hunting down suspects I suppose…

Anyway, since they want you to know this, they have a large, color monitor on the counter for customers to view. On that monitor is the feed from a camera on the counter beside it. It’s generally pointed at the customer currently in the front of the line…

Only today…for some reason…even though the entire person is apparent in the feed…the camera is mostly pointed at…well…the customers’ groin area…or if they stand sideways…their butts.

Because of the slight fish-eye of the camera and the central vision focus of…the butts…they are exaggerated in size and shape and quite ur…distracting.

The bank management and security dude have no sense of humor and get upset when it’s your turn at the front of the line…and when you find your butt on closed-circuit TV in larger-than-life glorious color for all the other customers to see…you grab it hard with both hands and say enthusiastically to the other customers, “OOOOOOOHHHHHH YEAH! Firm! I mean, have you EVER seen the like?” If you then give it a wiggle and a hearty smack and say such things as, “Oohhh that’s good!” they tend to want you to step out of line and converse with a manager.

They also tend to hurry your transaction when, after they ask you for ID and your bank-card you wander back over to the camera to take your wallet out saying, “Oh…but I want to see this!” as you slowly slide it out of your back pocket.

I also offered to pay for some select prints if they could pull some stills from the footage. “I mean, that’s a really hard angle to take a decent selfie from!”

I have to say, it sped up my transaction though. I like the personal attention to my banking details. I think I’ll use this technique more often in the future!

CUAgain! (and from every angle apparently)
Daniel Meyer

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One Response to Butt…butt…

  1. Ironbadger says:


    They pointed a camera at the customer’s butts….
    They have no right to complain if one turns out to be a smart ass. ;P

    Could have been worse.
    My friend Wolf Smith would most likely have made a point to loudly fart while calling attention to the fact….
    Karno certainly would have.


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