On setbacks and insecurities…

A lifetime of hard work and other abuses, combined with a recent fall, have resulted in what I must call…a setback.

A massive rotator cuff tear…full width, with retraction, likely irreparable, and pretty much any other “Oooo, that sounds bad!” verbiage you’d care to imagine is causing me significant pain and extreme weakness (in certain motions) in my shoulders/arms.

The right shoulder is the worst…

My right shoulder…pretty thoroughly wrecked. The left is nearly as bad.

Next week I’m off to surgery on the right arm…an attempt to repair, and if it turns out to be irreparable…then a superior capsule reconstruction is the backup (or, if I understand it correctly, some combination of both).

In addition, there are other conventionally repairable tears to address at the same time.

If you ever wonder what scares the 240-pound biker dude…the one that rides with impunity (and a certain degree of “enthusiasm”) in the intense metroplex traffic…well…this is it.

When the world’s gone to crap…I’ve always been able to fall back on hard work. I have “skills” that can support me and mine through pretty much anything.

Those that follow my art endeavors and my Old Vic project will also realize how important strength and mobility are to me.

And what’s a rider that can’t ride?

I also can’t help but remember a surprisingly large number of occasions where had it not been for my ability to take punishment…AND deal it out…I or others would no longer be here. A sobering thought…that.

I also worry about this setting back my fitness quest. I will NOT go back to being the fattest guy in the room. That’s an “at all costs” kind of declaration.

It’s still a worry.

It’s ALL a worry. I’m the doer. The protector. The one that can handle anything that’s thrown my way.

…and currently I can’t. That tastes like a failure.

4-6 weeks with the arm immobilized. SIX MONTHS of PT.

…and then I start on the other one.

So…next week. Chop, hack, drill…and so on.

As I said elsewhere…

It’s too bad…that all those early jobs…the hard work and grinding labor and long nights and holidays and weekends kind…didn’t actually pay what they were worth in terms of “life”…wear and tear…pain…and the like.

If they did I’d have been retired a very rich man few decades back methinks.

So…setback. Setbacks actually.

Terrifying.

But bring it on. I’ve got this.

I’ll see you on the road.

CUAgain,
Daniel Meyer

Related: A little hard work–The Old Victorian Webcomic

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