Life Is a Road, Are you Ready?
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Life Is a Road, the Soul Is a Motorcycle

Life Is a Road, Get On it and Ride!

Life Is a Road, Ride it Hard!

Life Is a Road, it's About the Ride

Life Is a Road, Volume One

Storm Rider

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The Soul Is a Motorcycle Get On It and Ride! Ride It Hard About the Ride Volume One Special Edition Stormrider

Guy Cooking...Today's Lesson, Free Range Nachos

Okay, today we're going to do "free range nachos". Now, everybody knows that nachos are best done under a broiler, but "free range" nachos are an emergency recipe used...well...when your range has been set free...as mine has...as in my range is currently, well, misplaced.

Yes, there is a perfectly plausible and sensible (!) explanation as to how I managed to misplace an entire range...but that's another story.

Since it seems likely that many men could be affected by circumstances similiar to above (losing an entire range), this recipe is posted in the public interest.

Anyway, "Free Range Nachos" are best preceded by the utterance of two key guy phrases.

  • "Here, hold my beer."
  • "Hey y'all, watch this!"

So, guys, your standard list of supplies will do.

Edit: It has been pointed out to me that some ladies may be following along, so I need to actually list the standard "guy cooking supplies".

  • Cheese
  • Chips
  • Some form of fire*
  • Something sharp and pointy
  • Some form of alcohol
  • Meat (as unlikely as it sounds...optional for this recipe)

*For this recipe the fire's fuel source should not directly impart any taste or toxins into the food.

Guy Standard Cooking Supplies.
Old and new microwave

Mandatory Guy Cooking Safety Equipment...try not to use it though. For this recipe
it will blow the nachos all over the kitchen and impart a slightly bitter flavor

Required GuyCooking Safety Equipment

Most Guy Cooking devices are some variant of this
GuyCooking tools

Now, as unlikely as it may seem guys, you ARE going to want to get laid again someday...so if you do have an SO, and you are in that person's kitchen, protect the countertops! This conviently labeled countertop protector should do fine, even though it is probably flammable. It's flammable characteristics are more than compensated for by the words "shield" and "cooking splatter". Proper labeling is important.

Protect the Countertops
GuyCooking countertop protector

We're doing a 1/4 recipe tonight, as the dog is not handy to help out. For some reason he bolted when I got out the torch. Wimp.

Layout a smooth layer of chips
Chips

Any recipe that uses the phrase "handful of cheese" anywhere in it is good by my book
Cheese

Flame on!
Flame on

Be. The. Cheese.
Be. The. Cheese.

A variety of techniques can be used
Its all in the wrist

The trick is to get a light scorch without that plastic flavor imparted by a heavy hand. Use finesse. We all know how amazingly flammable that cheddar cheese grease is right?

Just about done
Lightly scorched

Done.
Done

Just right!
The cheese test

Now, the right wine is critical. This one happens to be citrus wine called "Key Limen" and can only be gotten in St. Petersburg, Florida. Before you laugh at my "provincial" tastes, you should try it. It is good at any age and nearly any temperature. When new, it is light and friendly and tastes a lot like a margarita. As it ages it takes in an oak flavoring that adds richness and body. It is excellent served ice-cold, but also very nice at room temperature. Helpful when the entire bottle is for you alone! This one happens to be over 10 years old. Oh, yeah...it's 10%+ alcohol.

The right wine selection is critcal...this picture included to show we did NOT consume
the bottle of wine before deciding to cook nachos with a torch.
Note: The use of "we" to refer to ourselves in third person may be a reliable indicator that we DID consume the bottle before writing this report

Wine with the meal

Of course, since some bastard moved the refrigerator, the cork-screw (which is normally cleverly adhered to the refrigerator by the built in magnet) is lost.

But guys, we can't let that ruin a perfect meal.

Now THIS is a corkscrew
GuyCooking tools

As in all guy things...penetration is critical
Insertion

A light but firm grip on his tool
grab the tool

Strong hands can work miracles
GuyCooking tools

A successful penetration is followed by a satisfying extraction
Yeah, it came

Perfect
Wine

Dinner is served...and the beauty of this wine is if you feel the need to add some meat to this repast, it goes perfectly with all beef franks and/or corny dogs.

Round out the evening by finishing the bottle of wine, and then cleansing the pallette with an ice-cream sandwich.

So, until next time...buenos nachos!

CUAgain,
Daniel Meyer

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The Soul Is a Motorcycle Get On It and Ride! Ride It Hard About the Ride Volume One Special Edition Stormrider

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Consider purchasing Life Is a Road books for yourself or a friend. They make great gifts for the motorcyclist or adventurer in your life.

Life Is a Road books are available for order in hard or softcover anywhere you buy books. Get your copies today!

All my books are also available at Lulu.com.

   

Life is a Road, the Soul is a Motorcycle went on sale March 5, 2003 and is available at Amazon.com, IUniverse.com or your favorite on-line bookseller. You may also order it at your favorite bookstore, including Barnes & Noble.

Life is a Road, Get on it and Ride! went on sale April 12, 2004 and is available at Amazon.com , iUniverse.com icon, or your favorite bookseller including Barnes and Noble. Get your copy today! It is also available in Adobe E-Book format from iUniverse.com .

Life Is a Road, Ride It Hard! went on sale August 11, 2005. It is currently available in softcover, hardcover, and E-book at Amazon.com,  iUniverse icon, or your favorite bookseller, including Barnes & Noble.  

Life Is a Road, It's About the Ride went on sale October 18, 2006. It is currently available in soft or hard cover from Lulu.com, Amazon.com, or anywhere else you buy books.

Order Life Is a Road books anywhere you buy books. Get your copies today!
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All content © 2009 Daniel Meyer. Life is a Road is a trademark (TM) of Daniel Meyer. All rights reserved.
The page last updated: 11/16/2009; 8:03:38 AM.