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Life Is a Road, the Soul Is a Motorcycle

Life Is a Road, Get On it and Ride!

Life Is a Road, Ride it Hard!

Life Is a Road, it's About the Ride

Life Is a Road, Volume One

Storm Rider

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The Soul Is a Motorcycle Get On It and Ride! Ride It Hard About the Ride Volume One Special Edition Stormrider

The Dark Side of the Man

I debated quite some time before posting this . . . I wanted to share the experience. But the reasons for me being “out there” are my personal pains and shortcomings--Not something I usually air. I originally attempted to just relate the experience, but without the motivation and state of mind, the words were just hollow, the experience lost. The below entry is pretty much straight out of my journal, written immediately after I arrived home.

To sum it up, I went for a desperately needed night ride . . . hoping to find some peace or relief . . . but found an ice storm instead. Cold I expected, ice I did not. Friggen weather guys . . . Must be that Hunter again . . .

12/4/02

Lost . . . I am lost . . .

Well, She is gone. I put Her on a plane to North Carolina. Cannot even begrudge Her this (not that I could anyway), I must be the supporting husband. She is on her way to care for Her father who is having a major operation. He will take a bit of time to recover. The ticket was for two weeks. Some things, family being one of them, just take precedent over everything.

That is the way it is. The way it has to be. The way it must be.

I do not have to like it though.

It is pain.
It is frustration.
It is uncontained and unfocused passion.
It is un-moderated strength.
It is me screaming into the storm.

The dark side of the man.

It points out my weakness, my dependence. My incompleteness. My passion. My lust.

The dark side of the man.

Men and women are symbiotic. We are not complete without the other. Cannot be. Oh, I can function as a whole. I can carry on. I can succeed. I can survive.

But I am not trying to survive. I am trying to live.

Women wonder why men are slow to commit, if they ever do. The answer is simple. When a man commits, he hands the woman something. Surrenders it really. No matter how eloquent or passionate he is, he can never explain . . . she can never understand . . . just what it is she holds. And he can never take it back.

The dark side of the man.

And people can be careless of a freely given thing that they know not the true value of . . .

We are not new at this. We have been married 12 years. We have been apart before. We need to be sometimes, must be other times. Probably healthy for us, but always it is the same. Always as intense. Always for me there is a terrible price to pay.

Without her here, what is there for me? Friends, family, hobbies? They all help fill the time, but they are not enough.

Sex? Women would nod knowingly here. They would be wrong, but never convinced of that. Their insecurities usually run too deep.

The passion is there, the lust . . . but not strictly for the physical act. Sex is easy, readily available, and can moderate the storm, but not calm it. As a physical act it is simply relief and some pleasure, nothing more. Sex must be there, it is a requirement of life--my "id" is deeply rooted there I think, as I am completely, unabashedly, and un-apologetically male. But there must be something more, some connection, some involvement. Without her it is meaningless. So it is only with her.

Work? Yeah. I can work. Might as well, sleep and rest will not come. 70 hours? 80? How much is too much? Doesn't really matter. Sleep simply will not come. There will be a terrible price to pay later . . . She will never know it though.

The dark side of the man.

Riding? Flying on The Dragon? That is the closest thing. Like She and I, The Dragon and I are symbiotic . . . neither can exist without the other.

So I ride. I cannot reach her that way, the land has iced over between us, a massive ice storm pounding the east. The distance is too great. I would have to throw away our life here to go to her any other way. For me, no matter. But I am never just “me”. Always I must be “us” in action and thought.

The dark side of the man.

So I ride. To the limits of my endurance I ride! I know shortly after I start that I cannot reach her. Even if I could, I should not . . . she is at this moment spoken for. She has a task. She does not need me mucking up the works. She cannot be allowed to know the cost.

Gad it is cold out there, no matter how well dressed. Gone for 12 hours, 10 hours in the saddle, 700 miles ridden. Beaten back. Returned. Only because I had to think of the “we” instead of the “me”. Nothing else can make me quit.

It was dry here, but 150 miles to the east that changed. The roads were not icy, but very wet, and more light rain was coming down. Freezing air temperatures. Super-cooled water freezing instantly on contact with me or “The Dragon”. The ice buildup was amazing. It would build up so fast it would form a dome over my headlight, a hollow shell around my headers. Unbalancing the wheels, binding the suspension, shattering and flying off the spinning brake rotors.

Winter sucks.

One trooper talks to me at a gas station. Sure he has my “best interest” in mind, says it is dangerous, he is going to prevent me from continuing on.

Yeah right.

I say, “Sorry, you've not the right.” and drive away. The Dragon will do 145. It was not needed--he does not pursue. He recognized it. It was in my eyes. He understood.

The dark side of the man.

The last 150 miles in dry weather, and still I had to shatter the ice from my leathers when I got home. It fell in large chunks and was thick enough to restrict my movements. The Dragon is fire and ice. She is a multi-faceted crystal where she is not too hot to touch. My boots are frozen closed, the pants frozen solidly to the boots; I had to soak my legs in the bathtub full of hot water to free the pants and the lacings. The water was not that hot, but felt like burning fire to my feet. Borderline hypothermic, I then soaked me, in several progressively hotter tubs. It soon becomes evident that I will survive. Irrelevant for the “me” but a must for the “us”.

I can still feel the cold radiating from the leathers hanging in the hallway. Occasionally a wet, sloppy crunch from the garage as more ice falls from The Dragon.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. I already know I should not reach her. So maybe 1000 miles this time? Just to ride.

After work.

I am at the limits of my endurance. Exhausted. But at least I can sleep . . . maybe . . . briefly . . . after work.

And this is only day two.

The dark side of the man.

CUAgain,
Daniel Meyer

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The Soul Is a Motorcycle Get On It and Ride! Ride It Hard About the Ride Volume One Special Edition Stormrider

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Life is a Road, the Soul is a Motorcycle went on sale March 5, 2003 and is available at Amazon.com, IUniverse.com or your favorite on-line bookseller. You may also order it at your favorite bookstore, including Barnes & Noble.

Life is a Road, Get on it and Ride! went on sale April 12, 2004 and is available at Amazon.com , iUniverse.com icon, or your favorite bookseller including Barnes and Noble. Get your copy today! It is also available in Adobe E-Book format from iUniverse.com .

Life Is a Road, Ride It Hard! went on sale August 11, 2005. It is currently available in softcover, hardcover, and E-book at Amazon.com,  iUniverse icon, or your favorite bookseller, including Barnes & Noble.  

Life Is a Road, It's About the Ride went on sale October 18, 2006. It is currently available in soft or hard cover from Lulu.com, Amazon.com, or anywhere else you buy books.

Order Life Is a Road books anywhere you buy books. Get your copies today!
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The page last updated: 7/6/2010; 8:57:36 PM.